Howdy, friends, and welcome to the Beach City BUZZ. A few days ago, I was channeling my inner Martha Stewart. I have absolutely no idea what I was thinking, but decided to do some baking. My very complicated 3 ingredient recipe called for brown sugar. I had none in the mess over my oven that substitutes as a dumpster for old and useless baking supplies. I consulted www.iamcluesswhenitcomestoanythingdomestic.com but finding no help there, I checked other sources. Did you know that you can substitute one cup of granulated sugar mixed with one tablespoon of molasses for brown sugar? Here are a few more easy exchanges: No buttermilk? Mix 1 tablespoon white vinegar or lemon juice with 1 cup regular milk; No string to truss your chicken? (Goodness, that sounds interesting!) Use dental floss (probably best not to use the minty kind); If a recipe calls for a cup of cake flour, substitute 1 cup minus 2 tablespoons all purpose flour; honey can be used for corn syrup, a cup of light cream can be replaced with 3/4 cup milk and 3 tablespoons butter or margarine (probably not so great in coffee, but fine for baking), pureed cottage cheese can substitute for cream cheese. Need to clean your brass? Use Worcestershire sauce, and for silver polish, soak silver in boiling water with baking soda, salt, and a piece of aluminum. (Really? Do people really polish things??) If you’re out of Swifter sheets for floors, used dryer sheets are a good substitute. In recipes calling for alcoholic beverages, substitute chicken stock for wine, orange juice for Grand Marnier, ginger ale for beer, and a mixture of molasses and pineapple juice instead of rum. Seriously? Now that’s not about to win us many friends...One thing that will never have a substitute - Here’s the BUZZ: Congratulations to Cathy Kelly, who retired recently after many years with the United States Postal Service. Cathy, whose always-smiling face could be seen at the Post Office on Broadway, will be missed, but we’re sending our best wishes for a happy retirement! Enjoy!..A scientific survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night: Five percent said it was to drink a glass of water, 12 percent said it was to go to the bathroom, and 83 percent said it was to go home to their wives...A great big thank you to all my friends at DeMaino’s Restaurant on Revere Street, and especially to the fabulous Mary Singer, who (after learning here in the BUZZ of my childhood traumatization of never having had cupcakes for my birthday) baked me a huge batch of delicious cupcakes! They were presented to me by Mary and Lisa Aiello, as I was serenaded by my fellow diners with “Happy Birthday to You” last week. It was the best birthday surprise ever! It’s almost fun getting old-er...On Saturday, March 2 from 1:00 to 5:00 p.m., a fundraiser will be held at the Mottola VFW Post to help repair the Massachusetts Beirut Memorial in Boston. The Memorial honors nine brave Marines from Massachusetts. A re-dedication takes place in October, and money raised from the fundraiser will go towards restoring the Memorial. Local comedian Paul D’Angelo headlines the show, and “will make you laugh, even as the event makes you appreciate our fallen, our current service members, and the country they protect. Come enjoy an Italian buffet dinner and entertainment for only $30 per ticket. Contact Dennis Moshella (781-284-9598) or visit the Facebook Page for MassachusettsBeirutMemorial... Can anybody explain the new term “Sequestration” to me? Is it governmentspeak for “Here’s this week’s crisis that will make your stocks tank, your grocery and gas prices go through the roof, and your 401K plummet because we screwed up again?” (I thought “sequestration” had something to do with juries). A comment addressed to our elected officials said it all - why do you continue to scare us with cuts in Social Security, Soldiers’ pay, education, and Medicare? Why not stop the pay and benefits of House and Senate members, and then see how quickly this mess gets resolved? Just my 2 cents...Lona Frongillo from the Revere Public Library emailed to let us know that it’s time to celebrate the birthday of Dr. Seuss with “Fictional Faces - Story Time Face Painting”. On Monday, March 4 from 5:30 - 7:00 p.m. everyone’s invited to come and read Dr. Seuss’ books, paint some silly faces, and recreate his artwork of all those crazy places. Lots of fun, so bring the kids!...Ran-dumb thoughts: Is irony the opposite of wrinkly? No matter how bad things get, you can always feel rich at the dollar store; I find that I am always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t catch on fire; Is a fake noodle an impasta? I have decided to become a member of a support group called HPA. That stands for Hokey Pokey Anonymous. It’s a group for people who want to turn their life around...That’s it for the BUZZ, BUZZers. Do whatever makes your heart sing, and remember: Some people should just use glue stick instead of chap stick...This week’s SMILEMAKERS: Lorraine and Bill Scali, Erica Flores, Shane Cambria, Amy Paige, John Caperella, David Young, Kristen Green, Josh Brown, Alaina Cataldo, Frank Gorman, Jonathan Lee, Victoria Puopolo, Adam Kohler, Aya Harper, Heather Roberts, Silvia Herrera, Meghan Gentile, Joyce DiNuccio, Mike Amore, and Birthday Boy Richard Borgatti...Heeere’s the CHUCKLE: Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!” His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, snuggle up next to my wife and say, ‘Hey, Honey, let’s make love tonight?’ …. And she’s always sound asleep.”...Got news? Comments? Announcements? Jokes? Suggestions? Is your group having a meeting or fundraiser? Know someone’s who celebrating a birthday, divorce, new baby or anniversary? March 1 is National Pig Day! I ham waiting, sow why not sit back, have a glass of swine, and email your BUZZbits to AndreaRevere@aol.com, snailmail PO Box 101, Revere, MA 02151, and read it in the REVERE ADVOCATE!