~ Malden Musings ~ Erle Stanley Gardner Mural Dedication

By Peter Levine

The accompanying picture reads: “Erle Stanley Gardner’s successful legal career furnished him with background for some of the most popular mystery stories of all time. His famous fiction has been translated into thirteen languages and is dramatized on radio. The somber street behind him suggests the scenes where Perry Mason, Mr. Gardner’s fictional hero and courtroom genius, ever walks alone.”

Malden Arts, who loves ya baby (said in my best Kojak voice)! I nearly bust out of my trousers (hey, no wisecracks!) when I heard the news that the Bike to the Sea/walking path would now feature a mural to Perry Mason writer, Malden native Erle Stanley Gardner! Freddy Seager used his considerable artistic skills once again to create one of the very best murals in Maldonia! Period! A thing of beauty for all to enjoy! Erle was born way back in 1889 and was a Maldonian until 1899, when his dad heard the call “Go west, young man!” Just for the record, he is one of us! Gabba gabba, hey!

ESG was one of the most prolific writers in American literary history — also working as a rancher, amateur geologist, photographer, archaeologist, engineer, astronomer and forensic criminologist — and selling slush on Revere Beach in his spare time (I kid on the last one). When I lived on Seaview Ave., I would short cut up Dale Street, and each time I drove by the house (5 Dale) he was born in, I would give him a big old-fashioned Maldonia salute and thank him for bringing so much joy into our lives. True story!

From what I have read, he moved to 24 Bowers Ave. by age three. A man of many talents and considered a true “renaissance man,” Erle may not have spent much time in Maldonia, but we are proudly claiming him as one of us! Did he sled down Granville Ave. in the winter, dodging early motor vehicles and, most likely, a few horses and buggies?! I like to think so.

A little historical perspective on ESG’s birth year, 1889:

• Linden on the Saugus Branch was a few years away from being immortalized by Maldonian Elliot Paul.
• The Post Office is still located on Pleasant Street (where Faces sits today), with Peter Myles starting that year.
• Malden Square was referred to as Malden Centre and had four movie theaters.
• There was no Devir Park aka Craddock Field yet.
• The “Malden Canal” took more twists and turns in Malden than a Nuno Bettencourt guitar solo!

Apropos of absolutely nothing… Fave Perry Mason episode? Season 1, episode 23, “The Case of the One-Eyed Witness.” Call me shallow if you wish, but anything that Angie Dickinson plays in… well, fuhgeddaboudit!

I love ESG and I did love Ballantine Ale before it was so cruelly ripped out of my life when PBR discontinued producing it. No need for condolences, I am somewhat over it now. But I digress… Erle loved Bally also as witnessed by this double page Life magazine ad from way back in the day. It currently hangs in my living room with a memorial candle below it religiously lit on March 11 in memory of ESG’s passing. Here ya go, Maldonia, enjoy:

“How would you put a glass of Ballantine Ale into words?” Here, the creator of Perry Mason has a try at it…

Erle Stanley Gardner — Rancho Del Paisano — Temecula, California: “If you are calling upon me to put a glass of Ballantine Ale into words, I’m inclined to retain Perry Mason to state the case for me:

“Mr. Mason: ‘We offer in evidence this green bottle containing an amber beverage, bearing the famous three-ring label.

“‘We propose to prove that the content of this bottle is accepted as the nation’s outstanding ale, from the standpoint of purity, body, flavor.

“‘In fact, your Honor, we contend that Ballantine Ale begins where the other brews leave off! And the whole country knows it.’”

“The District Attorney: ‘I object! How can you prove that the whole country knows it?’

“Mr. Mason: ‘That fact already has been proved, your Honor. Ballantine is America’s largest selling ale…outsells any other 4 to 1!

“‘And, if the court please, may I suggest that the Court try a glass of Ballantine Ale? And when you do, may it please the Court!’”

“At this point, Mr. Mason and I rest our case…”—Erle Stanley Gardner.

It is said in “Malden Musings”…

• Michelle Bucci-Luong! You go girl! Malden has a unique opportunity this election cycle to elect an individual who without question is qualified to serve in Malden city government right now! Ready to hit the ground running on day one no less. Michelle is lifelong Malden (yes, dog whistle) and knows that bringing Maldonians together is a lot better for residents of these here five square miles than dividing them. For Maldonians paying attention, you get it. Vote MBL, early and often, but don’t forget Craig Spadafora for Councillor-at-Large also while you are in that ballot box!
• Dante DiSario ran unsuccessfully for Councillor-at-Large last time around, and much to Malden’s disappointment has hung up his political ambitions to concentrate on growing old gracefully while still maintaining those still boyish good looks. A recent sit down with Dube revealed many interesting tales of Maldonia yesteryear. One that stuck out was his Woodstock (1969 of course) experience/adventure. Stay tuned, Maldonia, for details.
• Separated at birth: newly appointed Malden Council President Amanda Linehan (hip, hip hooray!) and WCVB meteorologist Pamela Gardner.

As Peter Falk’s iconic TV character Columbo would say, “Just one more thing, sir” — Chris “Keeper of the Linden Flame” Moro, we salute you. How do I love thee? Let me count the hops (a rare MM play on words).

In what can only be described as a modern-day archaeological marvel, Chris has officially earned his new moniker: The Indiana Jones of Maldonia. Armed with nothing but instinct, heart, a cold one in mind and doing a solid for yours truly, he and his trusty sidekicks at the iconic Irish American Club — Dan Grover, Billy Hart and Brian Killion — unearthed a legendary artifact from the frigid depths of the IA’s ancient beer chests: the last known sixer of Ballantine Ale in Maldonia. This wasn’t just beer. This was relic. This was liquid gold.

Tucked away like a hidden treasure map behind dusty Miller Lights and forgotten Narragansetts, the Ballantine was found glowing (or possibly just the bar light hitting the amber glass just right?) ready for its closeup. Either way, it felt holy to Chris and his band of intrepid explorers. Think Dead Sea Scrolls vs. the Terracotta Army but on a much smaller scale.

And in a gesture that would make the elders of Maldonia weep with joy and pride, the sixer was donated — not guzzled — to the Malden Historical Society, so future generations might one day know: there was a time when beer was bold, malty and brewed by gods disguised as union men. When good ale walked the earth, and men raised it high. Truth be told, Chris donated it to me. It’s already history. Yes, I always had a selfish streak (as well as shallow).

So, here’s to Chris and his merry band of Maldonian guardians of tradition, curators of character, drinkers of distinction, and to the Irish American Club on West Street, a place where stories get told (and retold and retold and retold), legends are born (Harvey Nadler?) and every cold beer chest holds the promise of greatness. I like that! The IA flame still burns bright — and truth be told, we need you folks healthy, happy and strong for Malden!

Postscript 1: Breaking Fourth of July Newsflash from the Heart of Maldonia… In a twist more upsetting than the HBO crime drama Soprano’s finale, the much-anticipated free throw rematch between City Controller Chuckie Ranaghan and Forestdale School’s legendary Maintenance Engineer Dave “Buckets” Bouley was a no-show… and nobody seems to know why.

For those of you not up on your Maldonia lore, these two hardwood heroes squared off back in 1991 at the Devir Park Fourth of July celebration. It was a heated, controversial shootout that ended with Chuckie squeaking out a win, though rumors of a bent rim and “borrowed” basketball still linger in the (still) acrid Malden River air.

Fast forward 34 years — 2025 was supposed to be the year — the year they finally settled the score. The trash talk had simmered for decades like a pot of my mother’s exalted Sunday gravy (yeah, she called it gravy!). Bouls had even been spotted at Little Pearl in early June, dropping free throws with his usual and casual surgical precision. Chuckie, ever the showman, arrived at Devir this morning in full Run DMC-era Adidas — track suit, shell toes, gold rope chain and all — looking like he stepped out of a Beastie Boys B-side video or, at the very least, a Top Choice Clique A&M promo, ready to defend his crown. And then… nothing. No whistle. No ball. No Buckets.

Word on the street ranges from a “mechanical issue with the Forestdale boiler” (July 4th?) to whispers of an undisclosed injury. Some even claim Bouls was spotted cruising down Fellsway East (much like local late icon, his pallie, Frankie Fantauzzi) on a vintage Schwinn, cool as a cucumber, avoiding the showdown altogether. What’s real and what’s rumor? Hard to say in this town with long memories and grudges that last like, forever. Stay tuned, Maldonia. This free throw feud ain’t over. Not by a long shot.

Postscript 2: All Hail the Hoss of Ward 2! Fire up the grill and cue the Ballantine — another legendary Fourth of July bash is in the books, and once again, we tip our caps (and definitely a cold one) to the man behind it all: Paul “Hoss” Condon. Let’s talk frank, good people — since the days of the late, great Billy Callahan himself, Ward 2 hasn’t seen a councillor with this much heart, hustle and hometown horsepower.

Year after year, Paul doesn’t just show up — he shows out and stands out (hey, no wisecracks!). He doesn’t just cut the ribbon — he hauls the tables, stacks the coolers and makes sure the neighborhood kids go home sticky with popsicle juice and stuffed with hot dogs. Why? Because it’s not just a job to him — it’s his birthright. It’s in his DNA or maybe just his Ward 2/Edgeworth genes: the kind forged on the back steps of a Pearl Street triple-decker, sipping a Schlitz, falling head over heels in love and choosing to grow roots deep in the same streets he once rode his Huffy down.

There’s an old Maldonia code — a handshake deal of respect. If you’re in office and still swinging for the people, we back you until your cleats are hung up for good. And Paul? He’s still up at the plate, taking big swings for the neighborhood he’s never once abandoned.

So yeah, maybe this is a little dog whistle for the keepers of the Maldonian flame. Maybe not so little. But if you know, you know: Paul Condon bleeds Malden blue and gold. He’s not just good for Ward 2, he’s great for Malden.

So next time you step into that ballot box, sausages with peppers & onions, the Greg Lucey 3 on 3 Basketball Tournament, the feeling of true community. Remember who makes it all happen. Vote like Ward 2 always has — with heart. Vote for Hoss.

—Peter is a longtime Malden resident and a regular contributor to The Malden Advocate. He can be reached at Pe*****@*ol.com for comments, compliments or criticisms.